Youth ministries are beautiful, and we must provide spiritual nourishment for our children. Do not, however, depend on the ministries to provide the next generation of faithful Christians. You will be disappointed. Empirical studies demonstrate that there is no correlation between youth ministry participation and adult participation in the Church. Research shows that once children are free from their parents’ direct influence, many young adults stop attending Mass and just leave the Church. Many parents will argue that older children leave but will be back once they are married and especially when they have children. This was once true among many young Catholics; unfortunately, data now shows this is no longer the case. Consequently, to ignore this new phenomenon is to ignore any possible solution.
The Pew Research Center reports that 73% of children of parents who take religion seriously remain practicing Catholics. Only 38% of children of church going parents who look at religion as “not too important” will remain practicing Catholics. Youth ministries have no effect on these numbers. In fact, youth ministries may have detrimental effects on the future adult church participation of the youth. The youth ministries tend to separate youth from the adults and thus from the community. Once they graduate from high school, there is nowhere for them to move into within the parish structure. Many go off to college and stay away from the Church because they have left their youth ministries. The youth ministry was their church. They have not been taught about their adult obligation to keep the Lord’s day holy. They have been enmeshed in the youth ministry culture, not the Catholic culture.
Interestingly, research shows that it is the religious practice of the fathers that make a salient difference. If the father does not go to Mass each week and the mother does, only 2% of the children will be regular churchgoers. In stark contrast, if the father goes to Mass each week and the mother does not attend, 73% of children will still attend as adults. Sociology suggests that children innately look to mothers to navigate the domestic world and to fathers to navigate the greater world. Parishes would be wise to consider these statistics.
More important than youth ministries, parishes need to focus on family ministries, with fathers involved in the activities. Churches must create father–son social, sporting, and prayer events, along with daddy- daughter outings, dances, and prayer events. Mothers must also be involved in various events and ministries and should run many mother-daughter and full family events.
God the Father
We look at our God as a strong, loving, protecting, providing Father. He must be our model. To a Muslim, this is a heresy. Allah is not a Father. He is Master. In the Jewish scripture, God is referred to as Father of the nation of Israel eight times and of an individual only 15 times. When the description is used in the Old Testament, it is often used only as a metaphor. Jesus, however, describes His Father as a dad and as our Father, with all the qualities of a real loving dad. He tells us to call him, “Abba,” meaning poppa or daddy. He is telling us we must have an intimate relationship with Abba Father. Abba is the model for our fatherhood, as spiritual leader of the family. Christ’s earthly father, St. Joseph, who protected and provided for Jesus, can be used as our human model, as we teach our men how to be strong, Christian fathers. All research shows boys will follow their fathers and look to emulate them. Fathers must keep that in mind and always realize their sons are constantly watching them. Likewise, daughters look to fathers as the model for their future husbands, so fathers have tremendous responsibilities, not just a peripheral role in their daughters’ lives. They must model their sons into devout adult Catholics, but they must also show their daughters how they should marry pious, practicing Catholic men. Catholic mothers should model how to be a steadfast Christian woman.
Strong families are the bedrock of the Church and must be or become the priority of parish ministries for the Church to grow. The role of the Catholic father is critical, and he is ignored in many parishes, as evidenced by a lack of younger Catholic men at Mass. To get more fathers involved, parishes must appeal to fathers. If we are serious about building a strong, vibrant, young, parish, we need to focus on full families, particularly on fathers. We must make parishes more attractive to men.
Men and Liturgy
Men respond best to calls for sacrifice. That is why many join institutions such as the Marines or military. They look to sacrifice for things bigger than themselves. Talk to fathers as warriors for Christ who have obligations to bring their families into a full relationship with the Father, their Creator. Do not mince words in homilies regarding Catholic teaching and make homilies relevant. Explain Catholic teaching so people understand. Help them realize that the Mass is serious time of worship and adoration. Insist on a quiet and reverent atmosphere of prayer before Mass, not weekly opportunities for neighbors to catch up on news. Encourage all to dress appropriately for receiving Almighty God, Creator of the universe into their very being. Make sure you have many male, especially younger, lectors and extraordinary ministers. Have many male altar servers. Maybe dress the boys in cassocks and surpluses to emulate the priests and encourage them towards a vocation. Men and boys tend to leave groups that are dominated by many women. They do not say anything; they just fade away. Some people say that’s unfortunate, but the data is overwhelming, and we are trying to repopulate our parishes. We must deal with the reality we are dealt. Men respond best to solemn liturgies pointing to the Transcendent, providing sacred music that will bring all into the presence of the Almighty. Move the liturgy along, bringing parishioners to the transcendent climax in taking the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Christ into their being.
The Catholic Church and mainline Protestants have a real dearth of men in their weekly congregations. There are reasons that must be explored. Orthodox Churches, Orthodox and Conservative Jews, and Muslims have many men in their assemblies. Even Evangelicals, who do not have sublime liturgies have many fathers willing to sacrifice and lead for the Lord. When Catholic parishes learn to bring fathers back to Mass, the pews will overflow for decades to come.